Things To Make You Snort Cranberry Through Your Nose

Good Evening, Bloggers. The season of thanks is upon us, so let me say I’m thankful for my family, especially when they make me laugh:

Little Bear

1. Best mispronunciation from a three-year-old telling her older sister she may not have any of the towels on the floor: “No! You can’t! I’m shitting on them!”

2. Best show of empathy from a three-year-old:

Mommy to Little Bear: “You are so charming! It’s alarming how charming you are!”

Daddy to Mommy: “What about me?”

Disgusted Mommy to man who needs way too much attention: “Eh.”

Little Bear running to hug Daddy: “You’re charming too!”

Big Bear

1. First word: “Blog.” (Prophetic?)

2. Best toddler approximation: ‘bobo-lizard’ for bulldozer

3. Best deflection of Tickle Monster:

Daddy as Tickle Monster: “I’m hungry for . . . belly-button!”

Big Bear: “No, no! Get hers (Little Bears)! It’s juicier!”

4. Best drill-sergeant-in-training-line from two-year-old:

Daddy in deep—obviously fake—voice as he enters darkened two-year-old’s bedroom for good night kiss: “Hello there, it’s me, Papa.”

Little Bear: “You’re not Papa, you’re Daddy, now get your butt over here!”

5. Best correction of pronunciation by a three-year-old to Grandma:

Grandma looking a DVD box of Disney’s Lilo and Stitch: “What it this? Lie-low and Stitch?”

Big Bear: “No Grandma, it’s luh-luh, Lee-low and Stitch.”

The Good Husband

1. Best unintentional come-on line by woman who stayed at same hotel as husband—a hotel where using their semi-catered gym came at a price: “Is that your eight dollar banana?”

2. Best unintentional come-on line by female coworker (at a dance) whose grasp of English had not fully matured: “Do you swing?”

3. Best come back by husband in Lowe’s parking lot to attendant running after him with a pair of scissors as husband realizes there is a hell of a long length of twine running from his bundle of lumber across the lot and back into the store: “Glad you caught me before I drove home!”

4. Best Freudian slip by husband-to-be when he inquired about the style of wedding dress I’d chosen: “Is it topless?”

5. Best Freudian slip by his high school English teacher about upcoming paper: “On Monday, bring me a fully-fleshed out virgin. I mean version!”

Happy Thanksgiving! May your holiday come with extra giggles.