Friday, September 16, 2011

Stoned (And Not Enjoying It)

1-6-10  Kidney Stone Saga
Image courtesy: Patrick Woessner

Last Sunday was not fun. I woke up around 5 a.m. with a sharp pain in my side that refused to go away no matter how many times I visited the porcelain throne (sorry for the TMI) or how much over-the-counter meds I gulped.

By seven, the sharp pain graduated to agonizing pain and I woke my husband to announce that "mommy" was off duty until further notice. There was no way I could face the kids. Instead I put my face on the cold tile of the bathroom floor and moaned.

Husband asked if he should take me to "see someone." On a Sunday morning, that left one option: ER. By now my brain was in hyperchondriatic overdrive. Appendicitis, intestinal blockage, cancerous mass, oh my! I said yes and proceeded to pace around the house puffing like a woman in labor while he coaxed our sleepy girls into clothes and then the car.

Sunday morning turned out to be a great time for a medical emergency. I got into triage straight away and after answering a couple dozen questions, I got an IV, narcotics, and a bed. The painkiller didn't work for long. I ended up getting two more doses before the CAT scan. The doctor kept asking me what the pain felt like and I kept saying, "It's like a stone that just won't go away."

I was more right than I knew. While I was picturing a rock about the size of a deck of cards, the actual culprit turned out to be a kidney stone--a 4mm pebble stuck in the tube between my right kidney and bladder. They sent me home with pain meds and a plastic container to collect the stone.

Luckily the stone passed later that afternoon. It was analyzed and yesterday my primary physician called and said I needed to do three things to prevent another stone. I dropped my lunch--hotdog slathered with mustard and ketchup--and grabbed a pen and paper. There was no way I wanted to experience that agony again.

Number one: drink ten glasses of water a day.

Okay, not too bad. I can handle that.

Number two: Avoid eating foods with sodium.

Crap-snaple. I live for salt! Major suckage. I held my breath and started to pray: please don't let her say sugar next, oh please, please, please!

Number three: Avoid eating foods with fructose or sucrose.

Hells-bells.

So there you have it. If it tastes good, I can't eat it. After that phone call, I knew my diet would need a complete overhaul so I quickly scarfed down another condiment-laden hotdog.

Bon voyage, packaged meats, snack foods, and salad dressing! I will miss you and your insane sodium content. Sayonara lollipops, brownies, and Froot Loops! I can only dream of your sugary sweetness. Hello fruits and veggies! Hello plain potatoes and pasta! Bring on the bland (and the gallons of water)!

Man, I gotta pee.

8 comments:

  1. Oh no! I've heard kidney stones are horrendous. And the diet just makes me want to cry a little. Hope you're feeling better!

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  2. Oh, that's awful! At least the stone passed already. That is not an easy diet to follow, good luck!

    Btw, I stopped by because of Katie's Follower's Bloffee.

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  3. Thanks for stopping by CN and Nicole. The diet is making me cranky, but maybe I'll drop some pounds!

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  4. I had a kidney stone once. It was during a time when my day job was so hellish and tiring that I would go to bed dehydrated, too tired to get up and drink water. I now drink water before I go to bed and have a bottle next to my bed.

    I'm sorry it happened to you. :( Yeah, I'll do anything to avoid another one.

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  5. لا تقلق بشان تلوث مياه الخزان الخاص بك , فمع شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض تتخلص
    من كل الطفيليات والطحالب والبكتيريا العالقه بجدران الخزان الداخليه وبالاعتماد على افضل شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض المواد والادوات عاليه الجودة فضلا عن الاعتماد على اكفأ وامهر عماله بشرية تعمل بجد واجتهاد فى مجال تنظيف خزانات بالرياض فاتصل بنا ولا تتردد ونحن فى انتظارك لخدمتك على الرحب والسعه نحن شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض نقدم لكم الشركة الرائده فى عالم كشف التسربات وتسليك المجارى بأحدث اجهزة الكشف وبدون تكسير بالاعتماد على اكفأ المهندسين المختصين بأعمال السباكة المنزلية واصلاح المواسير الداخليه والخارجية واللذين يؤدون خدمتهم على اكمل وجه وبأقل التكاليف واجود النتائج من شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض فاتصلو بنا عملاؤنا الكرام من اى مكان بالسعودية لنتشرف بخدمتكم على الرحب والسعة نحن افضل شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالرياض
    تنظيف خزانات

    ReplyDelete

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