Good morning, everyone! Today's question is:
Which one social convention would you get rid of?
How about this idiotic phrase: Good morning.
Seriously? Mornings are almost always bad. People and pets interrupt your dreams just as you are about to fly to the top of Mount Olympus on the back of a fluffy pink unicorn.
Kidding. I don't dream of fluffy pink unicorns. (They are all classic white.)
The social convention I really hate is shaking hands. Think of the germs, people. The germs! This dislike didn't start until my kids went to Montessori School (which is fabulous btw, except for this hand-shaking biz). Every morning the children would shake hands with their teacher before entering the classroom.
Do you have any idea what children under the age of five do with their hands? It's revolting, I promise. So basically (unless the teacher has a pump sanitizer on stand-by), your kid is shaking hands with all the other germ-factories every single morning. Now that I think about it, this may have been a clever way to inspire parents to get their kids to school early just to be first in the hand-shaking line. That way you could cut down on the hand-to-hand germ dispersal quite a bit.
I know what you're thinking. How, then, should people greet each other with mutual respect? I'd like to switch to a traditional Asian greeting. Keep your germs to yourself, press your own two filthy paws together, and bow. It's quite respectful and looks way cooler.
So in closing, I'd like to apologize to the travel agent I shook hands with the other week. I was sucking down cough drops like a fiend our entire session, and I know she was hesitant to shake my hand. I should have fessed up and told her I'd been sick and we should just skip it, but that seemed rude somehow. Lady, I'm sorry to tell you, I was one day away from completing my antibiotics for pneumonia. I hope I didn't ruin your Thanksgiving. And Good Morning!
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