Monday, November 14, 2016

Crystal Collier Gets Medieval On Our Funny Bones


Welcome Crystal Collier here today to share her new book and some medieval funnies!

In 1771, Alexia had everything: the man of her dreams, reconciliation with her father, even a child on the way. But she was never meant to stay. It broke her heart, but Alexia heeded destiny and traveled five hundred years back to stop the Soulless from becoming.

In the thirteenth century, the Holy Roman Church has ordered the Knights Templar to exterminate the Passionate, her bloodline. As Alexia fights this new threat—along with an unfathomable evil and her own heart—the Soulless genesis nears. But none of her hard-won battles may matter if she dies in childbirth before completing her mission.

Can Alexia escape her own clock?


BUY: Amazon | B&N

GUEST POST

Thank you Tamara for having me here today!

"Good, clean fun." What comes to mind when you hear that? One of the many things that makes me think about is "clean reads." I admit, I'm a bit of a wuss. I want limited language, palpable abuses, and PG-13 (or less) love scenes in my reading. The brain is a funny thing and it tends to cling to everything we put in it. It also sputters out what we put in it at the most inconvenient times. Warning to us all, eh? Best to put the kinds of things in your brain you'd like to see regurgitated. (Yikes. That sounds a little gross eh?)

So being a mom, my goal is to write books I wouldn't be embarrassed having my daughters (or sons) read. TIMELESS, despite having a good deal of romance, is like that. (As are the first two books in the Maiden of Time series.) (Knights, battles, time travel, an epic love story, and special powers...WHAT?!) So what do you say to some good clean fun?

The chore that never ends.


And what did Snow White ALWAYS do? (Ahem, the answer is clean.)


All else fails, throw the trash in the closet.


Cleaning really isn't torture, I promise.


I hope you laughed or at least smiled. And now while you're in a good mood, go buy my books!

And have a nice day.

What is your favorite/least favorite chore? Do you like clean reads? Don't care?



Crystal Collier is an eclectic author who pens clean fantasy/sci-fi, historical, and romance stories with the occasional touch of humor, horror, or inspiration. She practices her brother-induced ninja skills while teaching children or madly typing about fantastic and impossible creatures. She has lived from coast to coast and now calls Florida home with her creative husband, four littles, and “friend” (a.k.a. the zombie locked in her closet). Secretly, she dreams of world domination and a bottomless supply of cheese. You can find her on her online HERE.

(Email address is required for awarding prizes.)

43 comments:

  1. Such funny pictures. Can Snow White come clean my house? Mine has been really suffering lately. Congrats on your new book, Crystal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! While we're at it, I'll take her servitude as well.

      Delete
  2. Knights do have to wash their armor sometime!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cleaning sure feels like torture to me! But I really do like clean books, especially romance. The explicit stuff never did much for me.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm not sure I have any favorite chores and my list of least favorite chores is very long and it would be a real chore to prioritize and figure out what my least favorite chore is :-)

    Tamara - I love your blurb below your comments. Made me laugh out loud.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL. I'm not particularly fond of chores either, but they must be done, eh?

      Delete
  5. A favorite chore? I actually like to map. Sounds strange, huh? My least favorite chore is DISH WASHING!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you there. Mapping could be a total blast!

      Delete
  6. Thanks for the great laugh today. You started my day off just right!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks for the laughs, Crystal. We watched Snow White again the other day. And you're right, I won't write anything that disturbs my family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's definitely for the best, right?

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    3. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  8. I actually like to do laundry. As for clean reads, I don't do violence and torture, but language and such don't bother me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting. I have a hard time with extreme violence too.

      Delete
    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  9. Favorite chore? Exercising the kitten with her feather toy. Least favorite chore? That's tougher. I hate getting up early to make school lunches. Not too fond of the litter box duty. Cleaning the kitchen floor is a drag too. The worst? Maybe cleaning out the basement because it takes so much time and effort to find places to take unwanted items so as not to throw everything into a landfill.

    Clean reads? Depends. I have no interest in erotica. Gore without a compelling story to justify it has no interest either. Bad language is the same. If a character has a potty mouth, I can handle it, but again, there has to be a reason for bad language. I don't really think about my family members reading my work when I create it, even though they eventually do. I would hate to censor myself out of worry of what they might think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exercising the kitten...that's hilarious. Is that really a chore, really?

      I get the worry over the censoring. I'm a total worrier and it did hinder me for a while, until I figured out my hard and fast boundaries. Then there were no issues because I knew where I stopped, and they could just deal with it.

      Delete
  10. So funny. LOVED the blog title. Going Medieval on my funny bone...that's so perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I do like clean reads, although I've no objection to most things as long as they do something to advance the plot. I have a long list of least favourite chores. Currently, I'm not liking cleaning the floor daily to combat the smell and mess of five doggies! For a favourite, filling/emptying the dishwasher. I like having a machine to do some of the work for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really irks me when things are in there just to make the story "gritty" too.

      I never appreciated a dishwasher so much until we lived in a place for 1.5 years without one. Whew! There's reason to rejoice right there!

      Delete
  12. Great post! I love things to be clean and orderly. My least favourite chore has to be ironing! YUK!! Thanks for the morning laugh :) Set me up for the day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't iron. I steam. =)

      Glad I was able to start your day with a laugh!

      Delete
  13. Yes, it gave me a chuckle for sure :)

    My least favorite chore is the bathroom...for obvious reasons. I'm lucky though, my hubby does the laundry. I feel like I hit the jackpot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely a jackpot. I really didn't like cleaning bathrooms until I worked at a hotel for a summer, and then I realized how much MORE I liked cleaning them than vacuuming and tweaking my wrists with making beds. Turns out, it's easy to figure out when a bathroom is clean...vs a regular room.

      Delete
  14. The Medieval Torture has me laughing out loud. Clean reads, dirty ones, I've enjoyed both types. The chore I hate the most is when I full-out clean the cats' litter boxes. Litter is terribly heavy and dirty and no fun to dump out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Glad we made you laugh. See, the litter box issue was why my hubby told me, "It's either cats or children." (There are issues with litter and infant development, but we won't get into that.)

      Delete
  15. Very funny illustrations! Indeed chores never ends, a very interesting read to keep up our brains active. A book that students choose top essay writing service BestEssay.Education for their book review project.

    ReplyDelete

I will do everything in my power to visit commenter's blogs unless I've been abducted by aliens or my children get sick. (If my children get abducted by aliens, I will be very busy, of course, catching up on my sleep.)